It Doesn't Even Matter
by brokenflower
Summary: Kate's POV. At her ten year high school reunion Kate reflects on what went wrong.


Author's Note: First attempt at Lizzie fiction. I was just inspired to write this and my imagination wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't.  
  
Here I sit, alone, at my ten-year high school reunion. I looked for them, wondering if they decided to show up. They did. The three of them: Lizzie, Miranda, and Gordo. Look at them now, they remained friends through high school, they didn't ditch each other like I did to them. It used to be the four of us, but I was young and naïve, I was stupid. I left them. And now look at them and look at me. They're happy, sitting amongst a group of old friends catching up on past times, while as I sit here, alone and divorced.  
  
When did things go so wrong? I close my eyes, already knowing the answer to that question. After that summer at camp, I worked so hard to become popular, and I got so far. Unfortunately that meant leaving behind the only people who I knew were true friends. Popularity has its price and…I was popular. I was queen of both my junior high and my high school………but now that doesn't matter.  
  
I bite my lip as I see them laugh and Gordo reaches over and takes Lizzie's hand. They're married now. I knew they would end up together. Back in third grade they had crushes on each other, from then on I watched them, even when I treated them like dirt I still watched and saw a loving relationship form between the two of them. Tears threaten to fall as I see Jake, Miranda's husband and Gordo's stepbrother, kiss Miranda gently on the cheek. When we were younger Miranda, Lizzie, and I dreamed of being sisters, or at least being related, just so we could feel closer to each other. Looks like they got their wish. When Miranda married Jake they became sisters.  
  
I look down at my hand, the hand that used to wear a wedding ring. I got what I thought I wanted. I married Ethan Craft. It was only right, he was popular and I was popular, so it seemed natural. Then he left me, or rather he kicked me out. I was left with nearly nothing. That's when a reality check hit me. If I hadn't been the bitch that I was, I wouldn't be there living in a hellhole of an apartment and working minimum wage at a lousy diner. I would probably be living in a nice house in the gated community the trio lives in next door to Lizzie and Miranda with a loving husband and one or two kids.  
  
After my big epiphany, I looked up Lizzie, Gordo, and Miranda on a high school alumni search engine I found on the Internet. That's how I know so much about what they've been doing. My intent was to find them and apologize and ask if we could start over. Anything was better than being alone. But I never found the courage. That was two years ago. Now I sit here, wondering if I can muster enough courage now. It's amazing, I finally lost everything, all my popularity and cruel attitude, but I had to fall so far in the process.  
  
I don't know why, but I suddenly feel so small and self-conscious. The tears are threatening to fall as I re-hash this all in my head and I don't think I'll be able to stop them. All my popularity and money, everything, it doesn't even matter! Not in the long run! Now, all I want to do is get my friends back, I want to be able to cry on one of their shoulders like I used to do all those years ago. I want to be able to share the tears, the joy, the feeling of complete happiness with them. But now, I think I've lost my nerve. All I can do is wish as I sit here. The first tear falls.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Hey, Liz?" Gordo said breaking the laughter of the group.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Look over at Kate."  
  
"Kate? Where?" Liz saw her, Kate was looking down, now freely crying, barely able to contain her sobs.  
  
"She's been staring at us the entire time." Miranda said quietly.  
  
"She looks hurt." Lizzie noted, biting her lip in concern. "Why is she alone?"  
  
"Didn't you hear?" Tudgeman asked. "Ethan kicked her out. I heard him talking about it earlier."  
  
"Didn't you guys used to be friends or something?" Jake asked.  
  
"Yeah," Lizzie said, unable to tear her eyes away from the crying form before her, "but then she got popular and we stopped being friends."  
  
"Yeah." Miranda said softly.  
  
"Yeah." Gordo echoed.  
  
The three couldn't stop looking at their enemy. But was she really still an enemy? It had been so long. Could things have changed?  
  
"Sounds like the three of you wish things were different." Jake commented insightfully.  
  
"There's a part of me that wishes that she was still our friend, that she was here with us right now instead of over there…" Lizzie trailed off.  
  
"Alone." Gordo finished.  
  
"She was so horrible to us." Miranda said. "But I admit we were horrible back."  
  
"You know, as I see it. Things have changed, you've all grown up, and whatever she did in the past doesn't matter now because it can't have been so bad if seeing her distraught is affecting you like this. She can still be your…our friend." Jake supplied.  
  
The three gave each other looks. Were the ready to face her?  
  
* * * *  
  
I can't do this. I can't face them. I look up as I feel someone in front of me. There is Lizzie holding out a tissue towards me, Gordo and Miranda are standing behind her.  
  
"Tissue?" Lizzie says quietly. I nod mutely and accept the tissue.  
  
I sit nervously as they pull up chairs and sit around me.  
  
"Kate…" Miranda began.  
  
"I'm sorry." I interrupt.  
  
"What?" The three look at each other confused.  
  
"I'm sorry, for how I treated you. I shouldn't have. You were the only people who I ever thought of as real friends. I miss you all. I…" I can't speak anymore. I turn my head down in shame, how could I even think of asking them for forgiveness after how I acted.  
  
"Come sit with us Kate." Gordo said gently.  
  
"Why?" I ask skeptically.  
  
"Because, we have a lot of catching up to do." Lizzie said smiling, but crying at the same time as she helps me up. I look over and see Miranda crying too, tears of joy.  
  
"Come on friend, we need to get you cleaned up first." she says.  
  
I realize that I must look terrible with my tear-streaked face. More than likely my mascara smudged. But that doesn't matter. As the four of us laugh and join in a group hug I could care less about my appearance. It doesn't matter because it's the four of us again and I have a strong feeling that it's going to stay that way.  
  
"I tried to hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall, to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter." –Linkin Park  
  
AN: I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! 


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